Friday, December 14, 2007

Alone again, yet not, I know

It's now about ten minutes into Shabbat as I type this and once again, the Jewish blogging world goes quiet until Saturday night and services, prayers, candles are on the minds of many. I am at work keeping my word to work the schedule I agreed to before I set on converting.

It's not easy being here. Since setting on this path, I've started learning Hebrew, wearing a kippah, reading a translated Torah, eating kosher whenever I can, reading of Jewish and Israeli history and paying attention to the news, hustle, and flow of modern Jewish and Israeli life. There's no bar to any of the things I need to do. I can pray English or Hebrew any time of the day. I can speak with G-d whenever. Shabbat is the lone observance I cannot reliably make yet.

Nevertheless I try. I light my battery-operated light, I pray, I try to stay up and not get depressed.

Someday I will get the schedule I want. Someday.


Nicole said...

I truly enjoyed reading your blog, every post :)
I was impressed by your level of knowledge of everything Jewish. I also converted, once Reconstructionist and once Orthodox. It's not so difficult as you might think, nor as costly, and it's definitely time-consuming, but it's something you're going to want to spend your time on. Plus, I'm certain you are much older than I am, so don't forget all your experiences, upbringings, etc are just as important in the level of your knowledge and understanding of Judaism, making you much more knowledgeable than any 22 year old.

-suitepotato- said...

It's not so much cost or difficulty as time. I work afternoon to night and the synagogue is not going to staff for my benefit alone nor should they. Normal people don't have hours more like vampires.

So in the meantime I have the Internet, which takes advantage of the human tendency to err on the side of chaos when it comes to speech, and spill the beans about anything that comes to mind. As I like to say, G-d has a way of subverting what seems perverted and the Internet is no exception. Chabad, Aish, and ten dozen other really good sites will tell me anything I want to know as will ten hundred bloggers who've worn payot and tzitzit since they could first stand.

Conservative Judaism has put it that they're more a coalition of observances and beliefs. I liken it to a salad bar at a health farm where no one is paying too much attention. Since however I have gotten on the conscience listening kick, I eat from the healthier end whenever I can.

So, a weird synthesis of Charedi/Chasidic/Modern Orthodoxy on the one hand, and not-so-religious Jewish-American culture on the other hand is becoming my way.

I can't say I've ever been happier with respect to being anywhere.