Friday, October 26, 2007

My Shabbat for now

Long before I undertook the path I am on, I agreed to be available for this job at pretty much any time I was needed. For almost the entire time I have been here, that has included Friday right on till well past sundown.

It bothered me only in passing many years ago that I worked on Sunday when the Catholic Church had told me clearly I should not. Was it the lack of connection I felt for the church or was it a lack of belief that He wanted me to set aside one full day long period of not doing anything? I still don't know.

I do know that I firmly believe He wants me to fulfill the obligations I've incurred and willfully so, partly as a form of penance for having made the decisions in the first place because the burn on my conscience is a good sign of caring and partly because fulfilling one's obligations even ones one should not have made must be cared for specially. It is no small thing when we pledge ourselves and I do not mean light jesting, "sure, I'll be over when I can". I mean when we bond ourselves to an arrangement, unless the keeping of the arrangement is so odious that it cannot be morally justified at all, such as promising to kill someone on behalf of another, then one should try to fulfill it. Odious oaths should be disavowed with contrition and acceptance. Say you made a mistake and committed yourself wrongly and would be doing an even worse sin by following through.

So, instead, I will be working through Shabbat for an unknown time. If my employer grants me Friday and Saturday off in the future, great. If they then put me back into a transgressing schedule, I have no choice. I said I would be available and they should not be put to duress because I changed my mind or even found a new spiritual path. That wasn't their choice, it was mine, and my choices impact me.

Don't worry about my spiritual well being though. I am working with YKW to get a feeling of Shabbat in me at all times so work becomes something my body is doing while my mind is doing something else.

You know something? My mind is somewhere else anyways most of the time. I just need to be making sure it is the right place. Funny how that works out.

So until I get permanent Friday and Saturday off, I will endeavor to share what I can on those days. Now then, if you have nothing in the way of observing, will you be reading? Don't answer. He already knows.

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